“Time Does Not Bring Relief” – A Poem By Edna St. Vincent Millay

About Edna St. Vincent Millay

Edna St. Vincent Millay was born on February 22, 1892 in Maine. She published poems, plays, political writings, and a libretto for an opera.

Millay started to gain fame with the publication of the poem “Renascence” when she was nineteen. It was an entry in a poetry contest, and she came in fourth place. The other people whose poems were recognized above hers said hers was by far the best.

Her poem “The Ballad of the Harp-Weaver“ won the Pulitzer Prize for Poetry in 1923. She was only the third woman to win this prize for poetry.

During the first World War, Millay was a known pacifist, but from 1940 on, she supported the Allied Forces, and even wrote poetry to support their efforts. This work for the war hurt her reputation among her peers in poetry circles.

Millay and her husband lived in a farmhouse in Austerlitz, NY for 25 years together. Her husband wanted to create a place that would be conducive to her writing. The house at Steepletop has now become a museum that is open to the public, where tours are available through the house and gardens.

Edna St. Vincent Millay passed away on October 19, 1950.

 

“Time Does Not Bring Relief”

 

Time does not bring relief; you all have lied   
Who told me time would ease me of my pain!   
I miss him in the weeping of the rain;   
I want him at the shrinking of the tide;
The old snows melt from every mountain-side,   
And last year’s leaves are smoke in every lane;   
But last year’s bitter loving must remain
Heaped on my heart, and my old thoughts abide.   
There are a hundred places where I fear   
To go,—so with his memory they brim.   
And entering with relief some quiet place   
Where never fell his foot or shone his face   
I say, “There is no memory of him here!”   
And so stand stricken, so remembering him.

Source: https://www.familyfriendpoems.com

We Cannot Assume Responsibility For A Loved One’s Death – Grief

Those of Us who are walking the same path on this long journey called Grief, please know that there are others out there who would love to talk to You, who understand what You are going through because they are either going through it presently or have gone through in the past. Grief never leaves, it just becomes “DORMANT,” asleep, until that something, someone, favorite quote, television show, song, food, smell, or we happen to see a stranger that favors our loved one, and in walks Grief, right on queue and the tears flow like a river wild, the heartbreaks all over again, our head starts spinning, and our knees feel weak.  That is not even the end of it, because, for many, the Guilt sets in and they assume responsibility for their loved one’s death. By assuming responsibility for a loved one’s death, we risk getting stuck in our grief.

We cannot assume responsibility for our loved one’s death.  Ultimately our lives are in the hands of God. Here is something for each of Us to ponder on: “Psalm 139:16 states that our life every day is measured, meaning simply that God knows the exact time that we will die.  He knows when He is going to call us home.  There is nothing you can do to extend your life span one-tenth of a second. “No death is simply the result of circumstances, an accident or fate. This does not mean God wanted our loved one to die or is morally responsible for the death. It means the same God who loved Us enough to die for our sins, is the same God who is in control.

How can a loving God be in control, yet our loved one still died?  We may never fully understand that. But that is why, frequently and lovingly, the Bible reminds us that God’s ways are too complex for us to understand. That is also why when we see chaos all around us, we should remind ourselves of God’s ultimate demonstration of His love and concern for us, the cross upon which He died for our sins.

Remember…Nothing is outside God’s control!

Photo credit: Yahoo.com/images

 

I Am Learning How to Live – A Poem by: Jamey Wysocki

When we lose someone that we love so much, oftentimes it’s hard to put all of the words together that we want to say.  We feel it, but to express it, isn’t always easy at that time.  That’s why poetry is so special because other people have experienced what someone else has experienced, or similar to what someone else has experienced, and have put into words what another individual was feeling, but could not find the words to express.  I hope you enjoy the following poem as much as I did.

I am learning how to live
In a new way
Since that day
You were taken away.

I am learning how to live
With the things left unsaid
Knowing I got to say them
With every tear that I shed.

I am learning how to live
By embracing the pain
Knowing that you live on
Through the memories that remain.

I am learning how to live
Knowing I will never again see your face
And I have peace knowing
You’re in a better place.

I am learning how to live
Knowing you’re in God’s care
It gives me the strength to move on
And makes the pain much easier to bear.

credit: elliesway.org

12 Helpful and Comforting Death Quotes

1.“Guilt is perhaps the most painful companion to death.”- Elisabeth Kubler-Ross

2. “Grief is not a disorder, a disease, or a sign of weakness. It is an emotional, physical, and spiritual necessity, the price you pay for love. The only cure for grief is to grieve.” – Earl Grollman

3. “You will lose someone you can’t live without, and your heart will be badly broken, and the bad news is that you never completely get over the loss of your beloved. But this is also the good news.

They live forever in your broken heart that doesn’t seal back up. And you come through. It’s like having a broken leg that never heals perfectly — that still hurts when the weather gets cold, but you learn to dance with the limp.” – Anne Lamott

4. “There is something you must always remember. you are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.”- Winnie the Pooh

5. “If I can see the pain in your eyes, then share with me your tears. If I can see the joy in your eyes, then share with me your smile.” – Santosh Kalwar

6. “Deep grief sometimes is almost like a specific location, a coordinate on a map of time. When you are standing in that forest of sorrow, you cannot imagine that you could ever find your way to a better place.

But if someone can assure you that they themselves have stood in that same place, and now have moved on, sometimes this will bring hope.” – Elizabeth Gilbert, author of Eat, Pray, Love

7. “And we wept that one so lovely should have a life so brief.” – William Cullen Bryant

8. “There is an hour, a minute – you will remember it forever – when you know instinctively on the basis of the most inconsequential evidence, that something is wrong.

You don’t know – can’t know – that it is the first of a series of “wrongful” events that will culminate in the utter devastation of your life as you have known it.”- Joyce Carol Oates, A Widow’s Story

9. “When a friend of Abigail and John Adams was killed at Bunker Hill, Abigail’s response was to write a letter to her husband and include these words, ‘My bursting heart must find vent at my pen.’” – David McCullough

10. “No one ever told me that grief felt so much like fear.” – C. S. Lewis

11.“A feeling of pleasure or solace can be so hard to find when you are in the depths of your grief. Sometimes it’s the little things that help get you through the day.

You may think your comforts sound ridiculous to others, but there is nothing ridiculous about finding one little thing to help you feel good in the midst of pain and sorrow!” – Elizabeth Berrien, Creative Grieving: A Hip Chick’s Path from Loss to Hope 

12. “When your fear touches someone’s pain, it becomes pity. When your love touches someone’s pain, it becomes compassion.” – Stephen Levine

https://everydaypower.com/death-quotes

Photo credit: yahoo.com/images

Grieving the Death Of A Sibling

I posted this in February 2018 but thought I would repost due to several of my friends have lost siblings in the past three weeks. This has been a difficult time for their families, but also a sad time for those of us who knew them and loved them as well. My sincere thoughts and prayers are with everyone who is grieving the loss of a sibling or another loved one.

Dealing with the death of a sibling can leave the other siblings in such shock and disbelief that often times it’s hard to recover. Not only was the deceased sibling a sister or brother, but to many, they were a best friend. The very first friend the surviving siblings had. The bond between many siblings is unbreakable and unshakable. Often times when one sibling passes away, the ones left behind can’t make any sense of it, they just couldn’t see it coming even though we all know we must die one day. For the surviving siblings, their loved one was perpetual; and the love they have for them is perpetual even though their relationship may have had some ups, downs, and even competition.

For the surviving siblings, they’ve lost the best friend that they went fishing with, they had tea parties with, they caught fireflies with, played hide and seek with, climbed trees & skipped rocks with. The best friend with whom they shared their clothes with and played dress up, makeup, and Barbies with, cowboys and Indians or just sat and shared a good movie and popcorn or even a good book with. This was their sibling.

It all just feels surreal and no matter how you look at it, you want to wake up out of the nightmare, there’s no waking up and everything will be the same as it was because the nightmare is REAL!

It’s normal to try to hold the pain inside and not deal with it, but it helps to talk to someone and reach out for counseling if needed. Keep your deceased siblings legacy alive, remember them on their birthdays, holidays and it’s great to remember special occasions and share a funny memory that made you laugh.

I speak from experience. My siblings and I have lost a brother and a sister. We do all we can to keep their legacy alive today, tomorrow, and Always!

https://www.healthline.com/health-news/death-of-brother-or-sister-shortens-lives-of-siblings#1

We Can Get Stuck in Our Grief

Photo credit: Yahoo.com/images

I thought I would reblog this since there are so many people in this world, not only grieving but many who are stuck in their grief. I sure hope this helps someone.

It’s extremely important to give ourselves permission to grieve, but sometimes we can go too far. Unfortunately, this will lead us to get stuck in our GRIEF!

I know this first hand. I was stuck in my Grief for quite some time and that included: Anger, Depression, Self- Pity, Unworthy, Cursed, Survivor’s Guilt, Extreme Envy, and the list goes on and on.

Some of you may ask, why envy?

I can honestly tell you with complete purity. I was jealous of my husband because he had left this cruel, insane world and had gone on to a much better and happier place.

It is normal to have bad days. But we must ask ourselves if we have grown too fond and accustomed to the comfort and attention of others. We must also ask ourselves how is our anger with God affecting our grief journey? My anger with God was indeed affecting my grief!

Many times we can be on the path to healing and ambush ourselves by allowing self-pity to move in and take up residence in our thoughts.

There we go back down that Anger road again.

Yes, I am speaking from experience. What I tell you is coming straight from my own painful journey.

When I learned to accept God’s comfort, deal with my anger, realize time doesn’t heal all wounds, let go of the spotlight, read the book of Psalms, learn to trust God and remember he loves me, reconnect with others, monitor my thinking & behavior and realize Grief is not an identity, I was then able to move forward on my journey to healing!

Job was a man faithful to God who experienced the death of his children, the loss of his property and livelihood, and then his health. At one point in time, he questioned God but then realized, with humble repentance, that his own view of the situation was limited and God knows all things, sees all things and has a perfect plan.

God asked, “Who is this that obscures my counsel without knowledge?” Job humbly replied, “Surely I spoke of things I did not understand.” (Job 42:3)

The Loss

For those of us who have ever walked through the Valley of the death of a loved one, we may feel after the first few months, that we can begin to move on with our feelings and emotions. However, we soon find ourselves grieving as we did before because the feelings are still present in our lives.

Often times, Family and Friends assume that a grieving person is moving on with their lives and putting everything in the past. No one can even begin to gauge how another person is feeling. Our Grief Journey is our own personal journey and everyone grieves differently.

Understanding our own Grief will also be beneficial as to the types of help we allow Family, Friends and our counselors to provide for us.
They don’t know how we are feeling until we open up and tell them.
There will be days we don’t feel like talking on the telephone and shouldn’t feel guilty because it is normal.

It is a good idea to journal our thoughts and feelings. This is a great way to track our progress. The grief journey is not an easy one, but it is one that we all must go through at some point in our lives and when we continue to have faith that we will be fine and God will provide comfort, healing, and support as we walk down our dark path of grief.

Be a Listening Ear to Someone Grieving

This is a repost.

If you have a family member or a friend, grieving the loss of a loved one, you can be a huge asset in their Grief Journey.
Be a listening ear, a prayer warrior, someone whom they can call on when they just need to pray or when they have an anxiety attack and become fearful of the unknown.

When someone grieving is in need of your assistance, be the best you can be and make sure you are on time to any appointments that you are taking them to, make sure you answer the phone or call them back in a timely manner.
When a person is grieving, the only thing that matters at that particular time, is the person who thought enough of them to listen to them talk, vent, pray, or just sit and laugh about any and/or all of the things they remember about their loved one.

Remember, God is in control of all things, and with his love, grace, and mercy all things will be renewed and everyone who believes in him and has accepted his son Jesus Christ as their personal savior, will not perish but will have life eternal.

There are so many people hurting in this world. Let’s be a listening ear and a pillar of support to those in need of talking, praying, crying, or just someone to that will listen to them!