When someone You love dies; often it does not hit you all at once. You are in shock, disbelief, maybe even crying on the inside, but not showing it on the outside. Often it takes a while to register; your heart and mind are not accepting this event; it just cannot be true. It does not matter if it is a Mother, Father, Sister, Brother, Aunt, Uncle, Child, Cousin, Best Friend, Husband, Wife, or pet. Grief is a process that takes time, emotionally and physically. Healing does not just happen overnight, it occurs gradually. Understanding this fact can help with the healing process. It is a journey that we all must undertake one day. Grief can appear at any time or place. Sometimes it creeps up on you like grains of sand, slowly drizzling down through an hourglass. You may happily remember all the beautiful things your loved one said and places you traveled together. Memories of the life that was built and years spent enjoying each moment. The undying love and strong bond each had for one another, having each other’s back when times were rough or lean, not afraid to do silly things; like rolling in the snow on a cold winter’s day or those romantic nights snuggling by the fireplace enjoying each other’s childhood stories, or unconquered dreams that each one still longs to fulfill. Remembering their smile, smirk, laughter, scent, their day-to-day activities, also, the love they shared with their family, friends, pets, and life itself. These things can be ever so sweet and generate positive energy which helps the healing process.
Through my Grief, I have grown to call this, the “SUGAR PROCESS.”
My memories of my loved ones were priceless, filled with unconditional love, happiness, picnics in the park, fishing and camping at the lake, drive-in movies, dirt roads, tumbleweeds, and so much gratitude, for just being together with those who meant the world to me. This is how the “Sugar Process” received its name!
Then there are the days that you cannot get out of bed; the unimaginable pain, fatigue, sore muscles, chest pains, headaches, and sorrow are just too great! All you want to do is lie in bed until the pain subsides. The smallest thing in life triggers a breakdown, and you are back at square one again. When that dreaded time comes to pack the loved one’s belongings, it is very difficult, because their scent is on clothing and linens. often people cannot find themselves packing those items of clothing without sniffing shirts, blouses, jeans, dresses, or placing a hat on their head and looking into the mirror as if seeking approval.
Believe me, I know how difficult it is for the grieving loved one to look at photos or hear their favorite song on the radio. If the deceased was a spouse, the other spouse will probably listen to Their song repeatedly while watching videos of their wedding day, and holidays throughout the years. Preparing and eating their favorite foods, or visiting parks, lakes, or just attending Church services can trigger a memory of the many times we frequented these places with the deceased. It’s also difficult when you want to place a call to them as done so many times before; maybe to ask their opinion of something because they were such a logical person and you trust their opinion. The call could be to talk about each other’s day, tell them a funny joke to hear their laugh or sarcastic reply, or say I was just thinking of You and wanted to say, I love You. To never able to do these things again can be emotionally rough. These are a few of the occurrences combined with other factors that can often cause one to experience the Emotional Roller Coaster. I, myself have been on this roller coaster, and can tell anyone, it was not a fun ride!
Through my Grief, I have grown to call this, the “SALT PROCESS.”
The loss of a loved one can be devastating, it leaves a huge, gaping wound in the heart. A loss has taken place and cannot be replaced. It is like walking upon a deep hole, and you start filling the hole with dirt, but at the bottom of the hole, Grief is throwing the dirt right back out of the hole. The more you through into the hole, the more gets thrown back at you. Intense Grief can and will open that wound all over again. Creating thoughts of despair, causing tension, anger, survivors’ guilt, fear, loss of appetite, depression, and in many cases, hopelessness. It is like pouring SALT on an open wound, not allowing it to heal, and occasionally, when the wound does scab over, we pick at it again and it opens. This is what Grief does to Us. If one does not find a way to release the tension and get counseling for what they are going through, during this process, they can get stuck in their GRIEF!
This is how the “SALT PROCESS.” received its name!
Love is Energy, so let Us Live, Love & Laugh.
Find healthy ways to get through the grief.
The Grief process is essential to the healing process.
Learn to love yourself and take time to integrate the loss of your loved one.
Enjoy your loved ones and give them their flowers while they are here on earth!
JASMINE D. PARKER ©
25 thoughts on “Grief – The Sugar and Salt Process!”
It’s not the same but the closest I can say that I went through these is when my Mother and Father died… within 6 months of each other. It’s not the same as a husband or wife of course…but I can relate to what you are saying.
That had to be very difficult for you. I am so sorry.
Mother’s and Father’s are our Rock and when we break that apron string and venture out on our own and find someone to love, have children and build a life with; there is a certainly a new and different bond created with our spouses, so we do tend to grieve differently. That tremendous pain is still there, I’m sure, but that intimate connection between a husband and wife is indescribable.
My mother is still living and will be 90 in December. My father died when I was young, so I never knew him.
The sudden death of my husband made me take a step back and try to figure out how I was going to handle my grief journey. I knew I wasn’t going to allow it to defeat me.
Max, I hope you have a great day! 😄
Yea they had been divorced for years…it was a shock with my dad but with mom it was more of a relief because her condition. That sounds terrible but she was in horrible shape.
Oh I know it would not compare to losing my wife…that is a whole different situation. I would feel lost completely. Parents you expect to lose…not a partner.
You have a great day also.
Thank you for always having encouraging comments! 😃
I’m happy that you try to help people going through the same thing.
That’s so kind of you, and I truly thank you…I do my best to be a listening ear and pray with them.
Hello, I hope you are doing well. I saw this today and I know at times you reach out to people…sorry but I thought I would pass this to you.
Thank you so much. I will finish reading read it tomorrow.
My heart goes out to her and her family.
I’m going to follow her blog.
I hope you don’t mind me giving you the link. You do help people. They didn’t have the idea relationship but it was sad.
I don’t mind at all. No, it doesn’t seem as though they had a very good relationship, but it is truly sad. He was young!
He really was… 47 is just too young. Of course around any age would be.
When I was in my 30s after my father passed I just knew I would in the middle of the night…couldn’t sleep until I started Church…now I’m more at peace. We just never know.
Our Father in heaven will definitely give us peace in troubled times. I think that feeling of I may be next to go is normal because you’re in a confused frame of mind as well as shock. I’m so glad you’ve found peace. I can honestly say, I have too!
Like I’ve learned…give your troubles to him…that is what he wants…that helps.
That is so true!😃
I am doing well and hope you are too.
Yes I am…I’m relaxing and trying to leave my work at work. I’ve had a hetic 2 months.
I know how you feel. Relax and get plenty of rest. That’s what I am doing right now. The past two months at my job were hectic as well. It was the end of our fiscal year so everyone was trying to meet quotas.
Fisical Year…I hear that a lot from our accounting department.
We have installs going on and not enough time to do them.
I have got so behind on reading blogs. I slowed down to writing one a day now except when I have a little time. I can’t wait til the rush is over at work.
There’s just not enough time in the day anymore. So many demands. Hopefully, you’ll get caught up soon.
I am trying to map out a plan so I will be able to blog more than I have been. With a full-time job, I am so tired when I get home at night.
I’m with you on that one. I’m exhausted when I get home. My posts are easier than most because they are just blurbs on whatever. My hardest part is picking a song lol.
Well, you always pick some great ones! I am a huge music fan and love seeing what artist, band and song you select to write about.
Well thank you… I am trying to be more diverse and write about more pop culture…At first I did but it’s hard coming up with a different subject every day.
Well I think I’ll go to bed now…you have a wonderful night and tomorrow. Thanks for chatting.
I look forward to seeing who you write about next.
Good night, and you have a wonderful night also. Good chatting with you!