When someone You love dies; often it does not hit you all at once. You are in shock, disbelief, maybe even crying on the inside, but not showing it on the outside. Often it takes a while to register; your heart and mind are not accepting this event; it just cannot be true. It does not matter if it is a Mother, Father, Sister, Brother, Aunt, Uncle, Child, Cousin, Best Friend, Husband, Wife, or pet. Grief is a process that takes time, emotionally and physically. Healing does not just happen overnight, it occurs gradually. Understanding this fact can help with the healing process. It is a journey that we all must undertake one day. Grief can appear at any time or place. Sometimes it creeps up on you like grains of sand, slowly drizzling down through an hourglass. You may happily remember all the beautiful things your loved one said and places you traveled together. Memories of the life that was built and years spent enjoying each moment. The undying love and strong bond each had for one another, having each other’s back when times were rough or lean, not afraid to do silly things; like rolling in the snow on a cold winter’s day or those romantic nights snuggling by the fireplace enjoying each other’s childhood stories, or unconquered dreams that each one still longs to fulfill. Remembering their smile, smirk, laughter, scent, their day-to-day activities, also, the love they shared with their family, friends, pets, and life itself. These things can be ever so sweet and generate positive energy which helps the healing process.
Through my Grief, I have grown to call this, the “SUGAR PROCESS.”
My memories of my loved ones were priceless, filled with unconditional love, happiness, picnics in the park, fishing and camping at the lake, drive-in movies, dirt roads, tumbleweeds, and so much gratitude, for just being together with those who meant the world to me. This is how the “Sugar Process” received its name!
Then there are the days that you cannot get out of bed; the unimaginable pain, fatigue, sore muscles, chest pains, headaches, and sorrow are just too great! All you want to do is lie in bed until the pain subsides. The smallest thing in life triggers a breakdown, and you are back at square one again. When that dreaded time comes to pack the loved one’s belongings, it is very difficult, because their scent is on clothing and linens. often people cannot find themselves packing those items of clothing without sniffing shirts, blouses, jeans, dresses, or placing a hat on their head and looking into the mirror as if seeking approval.
Believe me, I know how difficult it is for the grieving loved one to look at photos or hear their favorite song on the radio. If the deceased was a spouse, the other spouse will probably listen to Their song repeatedly while watching videos of their wedding day, and holidays throughout the years. Preparing and eating their favorite foods, or visiting parks, lakes, or just attending Church services can trigger a memory of the many times we frequented these places with the deceased. It’s also difficult when you want to place a call to them as done so many times before; maybe to ask their opinion of something because they were such a logical person and you trust their opinion. The call could be to talk about each other’s day, tell them a funny joke to hear their laugh or sarcastic reply, or say I was just thinking of You and wanted to say, I love You. To never able to do these things again can be emotionally rough. These are a few of the occurrences combined with other factors that can often cause one to experience the Emotional Roller Coaster. I, myself have been on this roller coaster, and can tell anyone, it was not a fun ride!
Through my Grief, I have grown to call this, the “SALT PROCESS.”
The loss of a loved one can be devastating, it leaves a huge, gaping wound in the heart. A loss has taken place and cannot be replaced. It is like walking upon a deep hole, and you start filling the hole with dirt, but at the bottom of the hole, Grief is throwing the dirt right back out of the hole. The more you through into the hole, the more gets thrown back at you. Intense Grief can and will open that wound all over again. Creating thoughts of despair, causing tension, anger, survivors’ guilt, fear, loss of appetite, depression, and in many cases, hopelessness. It is like pouring SALT on an open wound, not allowing it to heal, and occasionally, when the wound does scab over, we pick at it again and it opens. This is what Grief does to Us. If one does not find a way to release the tension and get counseling for what they are going through, during this process, they can get stuck in their GRIEF!
This is how the “SALT PROCESS.” received its name!
Love is Energy, so let Us Live, Love & Laugh.
Find healthy ways to get through the grief.
The Grief process is essential to the healing process.
Learn to love yourself and take time to integrate the loss of your loved one.
Enjoy your loved ones and give them their flowers while they are here on earth!
JASMINE D. PARKER ©
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