I wanted to feel less.
To not be burdened by emotion,
To not feel sadness,
To not know loss.
I envied the inanimate,
The trees that stand proudly in winter,
Not missing their leaves.
I wanted to be weightless,
To not experience limitation.
I didn’t want time to pass,
The blur of days, months, years.
It moved too quickly,
I wanted to grasp on,
It eluded me,
I wanted to preserve life before you were gone.
I didn’t want to know grief.
But the pain kept me connected.
It meant that I loved you,
It meant that I would always be a little broken,
It meant that our love filled all of the empty spaces.
It meant that you would be with me… forever
~Jacqueline Simon Gunn
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