Finding Strength and Independence After the Death of a Spouse


After the death of a spouse, it is sometimes hard to put things into perspective in order to find ourselves again. The loss of a spouse leaves obvious holes in the surviving spouse’s life. Their heart is broken almost beyond repair because there is no more him and/or her no more seeing, smelling, holding, or sharing with them.

Even the tiniest of things can trigger a memory with the result of a breakdown. The scent of our spouse’s cologne or perfume, the lingering smell of their clothing, the pillow they slept on, their shoes and the wear on the heels can trigger the memory of how they walked. Meal times can be a challenge because often when preparing meals, they are some of the meals shared with the deceased spouse which can leave one cooking and be weeping and/or laughing, depending on the memory.

The truth is; the death of a spouse can leave the surviving spouse in a complete VOID, not knowing what to do or where to turn. It can cause great fear, leading up to vulnerability, anger & confusion. With that being said; if the deceased spouse was the breadwinner and also planned the household budget, assured the bills were paid in a timely manner and were the ultimate beacon of light and strength for the surviving spouse, it will be extremely challenging, but it is beneficial to know that our lives can and will regain normalcy.

Do we Recapture what we had when our loved one was alive? No, we don’t but we have those cherished memories and we come to terms with what has happened, while continuing to build on the love that was shared between us when they were alive. These are just a few of the surviving and coping mechanisms that give us the strength and courage to move forward.
It is still important for us to grieve and not put our feelings on the back-burner because sooner or later, we will have to deal with it and it may come crashing down on us when we least expect it.

Finding something that brings us joy and at the same time allows us to learn how to embrace other people and be in the company of others is a great opportunity.
Understanding and learning again how to balance our checkbook, becoming computer literate while catching up on things we may have placed to the side or no longer did because our spouse took care of it can make a huge difference in our lives and also be a great tool to lift us up as we continue to regain our independence, courage, and strength.

Although we will never forget our spouses, we must find the courage to live and love again.