Love Them Enough to Sit in the Rain

When it’s over, it’s over. Love your spouse enough while they are alive, to just sit talking in the rain!

We Love and We Grieve

“We grieve because we loved our deceased loved one so much.” Doesn’t that add a gentler more peaceful feeling to the emotions we’re feeling? Sometimes it does, but often times it still takes awhile to comprehend what has occurred.

We don’t grieve for a person we don’t love. If there were no love there, we would just go on with our daily lives as though “Nothing ever happened!”

Our grief journey is not always a trail of tears but a journey filled with love, laughter, memories, companionship, fun, hand holding, drama, happiness, sadness, material things, but not all material things.

“The Legacy”

Being grateful and thankful for the legacy our loved one left the world, and their community as well as the many things we learned from them. We will continue to grieve, but keeping our loved one’s legacy alive will keep us busy and our minds focused on making a difference in someone else’s life that may have just started their grief journey.

Grieving the Death of a Marriage

Grief comes in many forms. We not only grieve the death of a loved one who’s passed away But we also grieve the loss and death of a marriage that has come to a close.
Mourning & grieving the end of a marriage is most common because of the amount of love, emotions, time, blood, sweat & tears, children, money & patience dedicated to this marriage and relationship.
For many individuals, when they love, they love hard and give their whole heart to their spouse and devote all they have to their marriage & union.

A marriage is sacred and should be held to the highest authority. If there are children in this Union, this can be extremely hard on each parent and especially on the children.
Often times children feel as though they have done something wrong as to why their parents can no longer live together or have filed for a divorce. The very thought of their parents no longer loving one another and living together is sometimes too much for a child to bear. Each parent, the Custodial and/or Non-Custodial parent is left dealing with the after-effects and trying to explain as best they can as to why their parents will no longer be living together and will no longer be married.

This is very similar to the death of a spouse, even though both spouses are still living and breathing, the pain, depression, anxiety, confusion & anger are very much present in their lives and emotions that at some point, they just want to ‘hurry up and get over it!”
The marriage has died and will soon be buried so to speak in a court of law.

Grieving & mourning continues but with God’s help and through the power of Prayer, things can only get better if both are willing to work together to assure the children are not affected to the extreme.

Have You Ever Danced in the Rain

Disorienting and Disruptive

GRIEF is not only disorienting, but also disruptive. Many people will feel a survivor is overreacting to the death of their loved one.

I can assure anyone that a person who is grieving the loss of a loved one is not overreacting.

Grief will beat you down to nothing. It will take the strongest person and break them like a twig. The happiest of people may be so over come with anxiety, stress and physical pain that the resulting in hospitalization.

Grief is selfish and doesn’t care who it tears apart and what the age of the individual is.

Thankfully, God knows our pain, loves us dearly and is always with us.

Grief Should not be Trivalized

When others trivialize your Grief, remember that Jesus, God the son, grieved the death of his friend Lazarus.

As we continue to venture through our journey of grief, it is always important to know that God is near and we can always talk to him.

Finding Strength and Independence After the Death of a Spouse

After the death of a spouse, it is sometimes hard to put things into perspective in order to find ourselves again. The loss of a spouse leaves obvious holes in the surviving spouse’s life. Their heart is broken almost beyond repair because there is no more him and/or her no more seeing, smelling, holding, or sharing with them.

Even the tiniest of things can trigger a memory with the result of a breakdown. The scent of our spouse’s cologne or perfume, the lingering smell of their clothing, the pillow they slept on, their shoes and the wear on the heels can trigger the memory of how they walked. Meal times can be a challenge because often when preparing meals, they are some of the meals shared with the deceased spouse which can leave one cooking and be weeping and/or laughing, depending on the memory.

The truth is; the death of a spouse can leave the surviving spouse in a complete VOID, not knowing what to do or where to turn. It can cause great fear, leading up to vulnerability, anger & confusion. With that being said; if the deceased spouse was the breadwinner and also planned the household budget, assured the bills were paid in a timely manner and were the ultimate beacon of light and strength for the surviving spouse, it will be extremely challenging, but it is beneficial to know that our lives can and will regain normalcy.

Do we Recapture what we had when our loved one was alive? No, we don’t but we have those cherished memories and we come to terms with what has happened, while continuing to build on the love that was shared between us when they were alive. These are just a few of the surviving and coping mechanisms that give us the strength and courage to move forward.
It is still important for us to grieve and not put our feelings on the back-burner because sooner or later, we will have to deal with it and it may come crashing down on us when we least expect it.

Finding something that brings us joy and at the same time allows us to learn how to embrace other people and be in the company of others is a great opportunity.
Understanding and learning again how to balance our checkbook, becoming computer literate while catching up on things we may have placed to the side or no longer did because our spouse took care of it can make a huge difference in our lives and also be a great tool to lift us up as we continue to regain our independence, courage, and strength.

Although we will never forget our spouses, we must find the courage to live and love again.

 

Father

Adam had more of you than anyone has had. Yet you said it is not good for him to be alone.

You made me to want to seek a spouse and fall in love. You molded us to need each other. And now Lord, death has come and dragged my beloved husband out of my arms.

Lord, if I could just board a plane or a boat or a train – if I could just touch the one I love. If I could just see that face again.

But it is your will that I stay here without him.

Lord, in this season, in this place, in my circumstances, bring contentment to me and make your portion enough.

Amen

Supporting Others Struggling With Grief

While going through our own Grief journey, we can still be a huge support to others struggling through their journey.

The loss of a loved one is never easy. Although it is something we all must face in life, it can be extremely difficult and often times faced with many challenges.
The journey called Grief is a journey that bars none. It doesn’t care who we are or what our status in life or society is. It enters our lives and rips it apart one piece at a time. It leaves us feeling intense and frightening emotions – including depression,
confusion, guilt, and anger.

Even if our Grief is still fresh, or it has been a few years, we can still provide comfort to someone else grieving the loss of their loved one. We should never allow discomfort to prevent us from reaching out to someone grieving.

After suffering a loss, one begins to live through the emotional turmoil involved in the process and journey. With that understanding, we can also provide comfort, kind words of encouragement and a sense of peace to those individuals whom may be suffering through a loss of their own. It always helps to have someone to lean on for support. Those of us who have suffered through our own grieving process can provide positive coping mechanisms to help someone else ease the pain and suffering they are experiencing.

It’s important for each of us to remember that Grief is a process, a journey that takes time to heal, to understand, to cope, to not feel like isolating one’s self anymore; and it is in those times, that the comfort, compassion, empathy, and sensitivity of another who has gone through this journey can be a huge asset to someone going through this journey called Grief!

Happy Friday Everyone